Be content to seem what you really are.
Be content with what you are, and wish not change; – Marcus Aurelius
I have always found the writings of Marcus Aurelius fascinating, and full of many “pearls of wisdom”, as it were. I first read Marcus Aurelius when I was, oh, 13 or 14. Stoicism, in a strange way, helped me through many of the things I struggled with. Although, admittedly, they mean different things to me than to many people, I am sure. And further, like all good things, it has meant different things to me at different times of my life.
With the great struggle I’ve been having with wording, both here and, more importantly, to Master, I re-discovered it again, and found that now, in addition to all the previous layers of meaning, there is an additional layer, as it relates not really to BDSM, but my journey to, and reasoning behind, my acceptance – and now, adherence to – my identity as a submissive, a bottom, a slave.
It has taken me many years of nearly constant soul searching to not only accept this facet of my identity, but now to more than embrace it. In the past year, I have been forced to explain my beliefs on the subject, as they relate to myself, many times over. I have, further more, been confronted by the one I had deemed worthy to be my Master as to whether or not who I believe I am and what I need is “good enough” for me. I have had to be strong, and stand strong when the most vulnerable part of who I am is confronted by the one person I thought would understand.
Many people, Master included, have questioned my decision to embrace slavehood as unwise and detrimental. They often express views that such a life is “not good enough” for me, a concern Master himself recently voiced. What they do not understand is, in essence, what I believe to be a basic human right. You must, no matter the blockades you may face, always be true to yourself. The only exceptions are when you are not in a proper mental state to make such decisions, or when you are actively injuring the well-being of yourself and/or someone else.
What it is important for the people who are close to me to understand, and I think, for everyone to understand, is that although my interests MAY sometimes involve the physical sensation commonly labeled “pain” it is in no way detrimental to my well being. Well being is more than just a brief physical sensation, it involves also the mind and the spirit, and I think that those are each involved to a much higher extent.
My slavehood has been greatly surrounded with the sexual trappings, I will be the first to admit. But, I think, that is only because I have never been in the position to enjoy the service aspect. Indeed, my “fantasies”, as such, are usually not based around the sexual aspect, but the service aspect.
In any case, it has taken years of self analyzing simply to accept my desires, and be willing to explore them. In the search, and the trials I have faced that may even be too personal and painful for me to ever share on this blog, I have learned many things, but this quote embodies what is both the first and perhaps the most important lesson I have learned.
Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts. – Marcus Aurelius
I will not deny that there are people whose thoughts color their souls with what can only be termed evil. I will also not deny that I know for a fact there have been a few (or more) of those individuals who have used BDSM trappings and terminology to destroy the well-being of another human being and cause nigh irrevocable damage. These people, however, can be found in almost any lifestyle, or geographical area. It is, unfortunately, what makes the capability of humans to read each other and learn from past experiences gleaned from encounters with individuals so vitally important.
In my own life, I have often sat alone with my thoughts in an effort to discover myself. One of the things I have come back to most frequently is my desire for submission and slavehood. It seems less than a desire, and more like a part of me that is not really separable. And I believe that a lot of this is based around reasons that may be subconscious, and which I may never know.
But there is even another layer to this quote which I am very fond of, and which I think, Master, if I were able to discuss it with him at the moment, would like as well. Habitual thoughts, habits. Those things are things which, in a healthy D/s or M/s relationship, are often the basis of growth within the relationship. Masters choose which aspects of life will both please them, often times their submissive, as well as encourage the personal growth of both parties. Of course their are situation in which one or the other party is more the source who is to benefit from certain things, but it still applies.
In this, when rules are set to change the habits of an individual, this also changes the habitual thinking of that individual. Thus, D/s, in it’s healthy form, is a practice in coloring an individuals soul in a way that is optimal for the growth of said individual.
The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. – Marcus Aurelius
This one really is not very complicated, in fact, I see it as having an aspect of humor. Many peoples preconceptions of sexual encouters, as well as relationships as a whole, are those of a kind of ideal and surreal softness. Almost as if looking at them through a lens which blurs the distinct lines of things. However, in my experience, it is wholly more amazing to experience the stress of the real; the adrenaline rush of high emotion, the sharp clarity of your surroundings when that occurs. The hard press of flesh on flesh, or a whip or paddle. The feel of your own bodily tension, and the tension within the physical presence of the individual(s) you are engaged with.
Dancing is choreographed, planned, and leaves no room for pause or error. Real life, and I believe that D/s and M/s are great embodiments of this, is more often concerned with improvisation, dealing with the unexpected, embracing things which you have not experienced before, even if they frighten you.
Pain and fear and anxiety, after all, when you consider them physiologically, are almost indistinct from exhilaration and that so-called “high” that goes along with excitement.
Look within. Within is the wellspring of Good; and it is always ready to bubble up, if you just dig. – Marcus Aurelius
This relates, once again to my feeling that what is within me, regarding my D/s and M/s desires, since they do the opposite of hurt me, and certainly do not hurt anyone else, can not possible be “wrong”. I believe the exact opposite, that it is actually good, and the embodiment of good things within me.
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. – Marcus Aurelius
This section is in here as a special message to my Master, as well as to others who are struggling with the conflict they perceive between their desires and their upbringing.
We are told from childhood that certain things are wrong. We are conditioned to connect certain words – like the word “slave” – with intensely negative emotions and connotations. Furthermore, it is not simply some general negativity that is displaced. No, much worse, it is the concept of ourselves being the evil that causes the negative emotions. The word slave tends to bring about a reaction to wheel back and to shut out whatever brought about what was described by that word. No one wants to see themselves as the embodiment of a generation of people who subjugated, raped, killed, and sold other human beings as chattel. Rather, a few people don’t mind, but I am not going to attempt to address that at this particular moment.
And, in all honesty, BDSM uses a lot of words that have negative historical connotations. Slave, Master, property, owner, et cetera. The list goes on. This use of linguistics can trigger in individuals – often without their knowledge – a poignant aversion to the situations and people who use and embrace such language. The difficulty is impressing on individuals who are willing to learn the difference in the historical use of the words we use, and the new definitions we have assigned them.
The number one tenet of BDSM is Safe, Sane, and Consenual! That is the first step to overcome. Although it is not unheard of, very few of the individuals who wish to submit and/or become slaves have NO desire to do so in order to allow themselves to stop improving. Indeed, there is not a Master, Mistress or Owner worth the title who would allow slavehood to entail a stagnation of their submissive/slave/pets physical and intellectual growth and development. So the most important thing to understand and accept is that an individual who seeks slavehood or submisison is likely doing it as a step to help themselves improve in numerous ways. They understand that they are giving up (some of) their power in exchange for certain other things which they enjoy, give them fulfillment, and are AWARE are useful in helping them to grow into the individuals that they wish to become.
This is something else that I have noticed some people commonly assume, and is generally wrong. It is not, generally, a submissives goal to have no responsibility and to never have to think for themselves. Rather, in their experience as well as mine, submitting is a way in which they are forced to take more responsibility than they likely would otherwise, as well as being a lifestyle that forces them to experience new, different ways of solving problems and thinking.
I am sure that I have spent quite long enough on my soapbox, attempting to enlighten those who may not have considered certain aspects of slavery and submission as well as domination. So, to finish, I will allow Aurelius to speak, as he summed it up better than I ever could.
He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe.
How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks.
Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
This last one is specifically for my Master, for He worries nigh constantly about O/our future. Oftentimes, there is no reason for Him to do so. W/we will face it together, and face it with what tools W/we have and use now.
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