I’m No Good At This Balancing Act Stuff
Alas, it’s true. I’m really not very good at balancing my life in any manner that would please me; and neither is Master. Between the two of U/us and all O/our various obligations and the craziness of figuring out what W/we’re each going to do for school, things have been rough since He left.
W/we don’t talk much. To be honest, the problem started around the beginning of March, a month before He came to visit. He, especially, is often too busy to make time for me. Often times, I do not take this well and get mad at Him because it seems, sometimes, that He doesn’t even try. He does try, I know,always at least a little.
It gets frustrating sometimes, though. And now, with my hectic schedule with finals and moving for the summer and figuring out my schooling situation, it’s been rougher.
Add to that now the fact that, as of today, for one of my finals I’m producing a rather elaborate 12-15 minutes avante-gard art and music piece that’s due on the 12th and man, I’m swamped.
BUT.
I always find time for Master. Whenever He wants. I wish He would do the same for me, sometimes. To be honest, I’m a hell of a lot busier than He is, and it’s been that way O/our whole relationship. And yet, I find the time.
I just miss my Master. In the beginning of O/our relationship, He made time for me. He enjoyed having me be a part of His life. It doesn’t feel that way anymore, and hasn’t for a few months. I know He loves me. I just feel like He compartmentalizes between what “His life” and “His slave” are, and it seems like often I’m disallowed the ability to be a part of His life.
It’s partly just because He’s really bad at all the concepts that make long distance relationships tolerable and even good. He has no idea (though I’ve told him a thousand times) that things like random e-mails or snail mail letters, or an e-card, or a link to something He’d think I’d like, that that’s the kind of semi-connectedness that might make this easier on me. I’m just very lonely. And it’s not likely to get better over the next few weeks, and if it doesn’t in that time, it certainly won’t over the summer.
Well, all I can do is wait and see.
Leave a Reply