Who am I, and what am I doing here?

I suppose that those questions are the most valid I can hope to begin with. I am my Masters little girl, His servant, His slave, His thrall. The question of terminology is an important one, deserving of and destined to have it’s very own entry before long. For now, I think, an overview will do.

For five, almost six years I’d say, I have been exploring desires I may never have understood without the guidance of one who I shall call my mentor; he did me much good over quite a few years, and continues to, though to a smaller extent. With his introduction to the “world of BDSM” by and large, I became fascinated and engrossed in studying, learning, and exploring this new way of thinking and living, and the parts of me that finally made some sort of sense.

I have lived my life with the heart of a submissive, some would argue even with the heart of a slave. However, I have a very dark history. There are terrors in my past, pains that many would not understand. This history I speak of is not important in detail, but rather as a tool to express this: I have many, many issues. Issues with trust, and with love, and with sex. Issues with my own, all-consuming desires that burn in my heart and in my being.

Then, in a set of remarkable circumstances, I met my Master. He was not my Master when I met him, by any means, nor did I intend to ever have another. I had reached the depressing conclusion that there would never be a man both strong enough and soft enough to handle me with the care, yet domination, that I not only crave but require. So, when I met my Master, the ensuing hole that we both fell headlong into with one another was one without the spoken desire for one to submit or one to dominate. However, my love is naturally a very dominant, very strong man. (After all, he can put up with me) and over time it has progressed; the very night I met him I expressed my view of myself as a submissive and slave.

What more is there to say as an introduction? I suppose simply that my Master and I decided that this blog would be my place of refuge, so to speak. The thoughts that occupy my mind, the worries, the aforementioned “issues” I am, have been, and will be working through have recently become almost more than I can bear.

I write this blog for me, to monitor my own growth, but more importantly I write it for U/us, and for Master. After all, He does all He can to understand me, and I express myself so much more effectively in the written word.

So if you care to, walk alongside me as I venture down this path of my own dark desires, as well as my Masters. Who knows how far we’ll go, or where we’ll end up?

The fun is, after all, in getting there.

~ by beauteousthrall on December 13, 2008.