I must admit, I no longer know what purpose this blog will serve.
I suppose it will become simply a place where I can discuss the things in my life relating to things that I can not speak of or post otherwise; things involving BDSM, should I ever dare venture down that road again, or things as simple as sex in general. I can tell you that I am not sure.
As I feel that the people who read this regularly are due something more than “Master left me”, here are his reasons, as near as I can quote them.
1) “I just can’t be what you need right now.”
2) “I still love you, but I can’t tell you I want to be with you.”
Honestly, that’s all I remember well enough to quote. Quite frankly I think it is all quite a lot of bullshit. You do not continue to love someone just as you have for over a year but yet suddenly decide you do not want to be with them.
I’m going to do my best to do a 60 day “he-tox” as suggested by a book on handling break ups (I read an excerpt, no, I did not go out and buy it). I’m deleting him from my phone – like I could ever forget his number anyway – hiding him on my facebook, all that fucked up shit that the technology age has made requisite when a serious relationship ends.
I’ve never had a serious relationship end. Not like this, out of the blue, from nowhere. He just disappeared for a week – wouldn’t return phone calls or texts or IMs or emails – called me exactly one week later to break up with me.
First he claimed he did not call to break up with me, then later admitted he’d spent the whole week attempting to figure out how to do so.
Fuck you, Ian Sheerer.
Fuck you. You are going to live a life that is drab and dull compared to what you could have had with me. Not for breaking up for me, but for believing I was stupid enough to not catch all your goddamn lying inconsistencies.
I have no intention of becoming romantically involved anytime soon. Although I very well may find a suitably older male to fuck with no strings attached ever now and again. Or perhaps I will even Top to a girl if I meet the right one – I have been considering it for quite some time now. If Rhiannon did not live in Canada, I would love to do so with her, and see if maybe there is some part of me attracted to women. Oh well.
Perhaps it is time to let the slut in me out. I am not sure.
I have spent far too long living for other people and not doing the things that I want to simply because of my paralyzing fear of the world.
Today I took the first step in breaking that, and it turned out wonderfully. I would like to keep the details to myself for the moment, and I apologize if that tempts anyone with unbridled curiosity.
I do know that this blog is, obviously, going to change.
I hope that those of you who have stood by and read all my rants, raves, and ramblings will continue to find my journey worthwhile, even though I am now no longer slave, or even submissive, but simply…whatever I shall become.
